This is what the world is for, making electricity.

Right now i'm drinking a wonderful gin and tonic enhanced with lime and cucumber. I'm about to make Adam and I fish and chocolate cake and drink more gin. See Jordan, I can make non awkward diary-esque posts!

In other news, this cover is awesome. It grows on you. It's also 100% accurate.

This used to be a fun house, but now it's full of evil clowns.

County Fairs are very strange.

This weekend I had the pleasure (or misfortune?) of accompanying my eight year old cousin to our county fair upstate. For those who don't know, my house is in New Paltz, New York. New Paltz has a pretty liberal and laid back state university, is about 30 minutes from Woodstock, and has a bunch of stores with names like "The Groovy Blueberry" or "Endless Horizons." Basically everyone up there is either a unwashed college student or looks like this:




The Ulster County Fairgrounds are usually reserved for snobby events such as the Crafts Fair or Taste of New Paltz, but in the one glorious week a year, it serves the purpose for which is was named and houses the county fair. You would expect a sleepy liberal minded county in upstate New York to not get too excited about fried twinkies or pig races or a booth where, for $20, you can take a picture with a baby tiger (I shit you not). But the place is packed every single day with people who look like this:


Where the hell do you come from?? As a former lover of the Delaware State Fair, and someone whose been to Pigeon Forge, TN, I've seen your kind. I would expect pregnant teenagers and families with less than 20 teeth between them all down there, but really? Upstate, NY?? Do you people standing in line to get you and your baby daddy's names airbrushed on a Confederate flag tee shirt even realize how far north of the Mason Dixon line we actually are??? I certainly haven't seen your likes at "The Groovy Blueberry". Do you crawl out of the hills once a year to play whack-a-mole with the change you've scavenged returning cans?

Also, I think i've gotten too old to appreciate carnival rides. I have a massive bruise on the side of my hip from ride after ride of centripetal force pressing me into the side of some cheap glittery car/boat/dragon/apple/spaceship. Also, I needed to vomit after like the third ride, and that feeling never went away. Ugh.

my head told my heart let love grow, but my heart told my head this time no.

Ok.
It's August.
Summer of Stephie rolls on, with relative success. There's been some ups and downs, but mostly ups. But I think it's time to switch focus.
So, I declare August to be self-improvement month.
I'd be lying if I said I was going to stop thinking and obsessing over boys, but I'm going to consciously try to not make them the primary focus. I'm going to follow the advice of the graffiti on the sidewalk near my apartment and "fuck love, get $$$"
THEN lose 10 more pounds
THEN get the fuck out of my apartment,
THEN find a boyfriend

Ready.... Go!

Also,
I've figured out my halloween costume. I'm going to be:

No, not Margot Tenenbaum, I'm going full on tennis chic Richie complete with beard.
I've always toyed with the idea of being Margot, but felt no desire to look depressed and wear a fur coat, so I got to thinking about what I could be where I'd have an excuse to wear tube socks, aviators, and a sweat band, and lo and behold, RICHIE!
It's going to be so amazingly amazing. I reaaaallllllyyyy wish i'll have a fabulous apartment by then, and can therefore have a fabulous halloween party.
So, that's what my sights are now set upon.

Ready....go!

Also,
Listen to this band:

The warmth of your love is like the warmth of the sun

Things I did today that I am proud of:

1. Had to go to Toys R' Us to get my cousin a birthday present at that god awful mall on Metropolitan Ave. (seriously that place is 100% the armpit of Queens, especially now that Discovery Zone is closed down) and I didn't get a Nathan's hot dog, even though I was starving. 380 calories not added to my thighs, like a boss.

2. Purchased and started using Crest White Strips. Shiney white teefs are only 13 days away!

3. It's been 12 days since my flirty texter and atractive lovah' left for Africa and I haven't stalked his facebook NOT ONCE. Crazy effectively suppressed... for now. Of course i've replaced that urge with compulsively checking the ex boyfriend's facebook, but that's mainly so I can scoff at his feeble attempts at being hipster. If it weren't for me, you'd be living in an apartment complex in nowheresville Delaware, probably next to the Cheeseburger in Paradise.

Things I did today that I am slightly more embarrassed about, but not really, because that's me:

1. Put much more thought into my fabulous Halloween wedding. I have five years until Halloween falls on a Saturday, so I have five years to procure a willing and able husband and a backyard for the party of the fucking century to go down. Well today, I decided on my wedding song, wedding dress, and bridesmaid dresses.

Wedding dress:
Tea length is a definite, given my legs are my fav feature and because my wedding will take place in a backyard, so a long dress is just gonna get dirty. So here's a potential candidate, i'll definitely be wearing a tiny veil that goes to about my chin. Except it will be black and will have a tasteful spider adornment (It is Halloweeeeeen)

Bridesmaids Dresses:
Probably will be black or burgundy, or a mix of the two, because like I said, it will be Halloween and thus a darker fall color scheme is required. So ladies, if you're reading this and think we're friends enough that you'll be in the bridal party, start toning those back muscles. You have 5 years. You too will have a spider adornment somewhere. Don't like it? Suck it.

Wedding song:
This Will Be Our Year, The Zombies.
And/Or Monster Mash.

I'm posting this on here because there are too many good looking guys I'm friends with on Facebook, and I don't want to ruin my carefully crafted laid back, not girly girl persona by discussing celebrities there. With that being said, did you know... Will Smith has a daughter named WILLow a wife named Jada and a son named JADen? Also, Britney Spear's mom is named Lynn, and her dad Jamie and her sister Jamie-Lynn.

what the fuck is wrong with these people?


I'm going to name my children Eisley* (girl) and Sebastian (boy)
*after Mos Eisley from Star Wars (duhhhhh)

Okay more later, i just had to get that off my chest.

"It would be nice to think that since I was 14, times have changed. Relationships have become more sophisticated. Females less cruel. Skins thicker. Instincts more developed. But there seems to be an element of that afternoon in everything that's happened to me since. All my romantic stories are a scrambled version of that first one."
-Rob Gordon, High Fidelity


Truer words were never spoken. I'm 23, and I just bought a marble notebook to resume my diary that I've been keeping since the 7th grade. I just put on some old school emo music and am preparing to sit down and write down all my stories, then i'm going to get ready and shower and go hang out with my best friend. This has been an average July day for the past ten years. TEN YEARS and i'm back where I started. I went to college! I traveled the world! I was in a successful three year relationship! Where am I now? Lusting after a variation of the same person i've been pining for since I was 14. Except now instead of worrying about things like being home for curfew, I need to worry about getting pregnant or herpes. THANKS FOR NOTHING, MATURITY.

Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

Eek. Sorry blog, i've been delinquent. Forgive me? We still besties? Alright good.

Ugh i've been delinquent because I don't know what to say? I'm still unsure of how personal I want to get here... I guess as many of you know, I've met someone. If you don't know, a cursory glance at my facebook will give a pretty good indication of who he is, since he's all over it. Well anyway, this is my first foray into the grown-up post-college world of dating. So of course I'm freaking out about every little thing (as you all know and have had to deal with-love yous!), because I have no idea what's considered normal and how to deal.

First crisis:
Facebook friending prior to first date
Who does this? I mean really, who does this? Why would anyone want to put themselves through such scrutiny. Would you like a background check and blood test? As if a first date isn't nerve wracking enough, here why don't you look at 5 years worth of photos where I'm wasted and attached at the hip to the ex-boyfriend I thought i'd marry. I'll have a looksee at your ex's and compare whether or not i'm prettier or skinnier than them. Also, I don't want to see all these girls writing on your wall. You can carry out a million different love affairs for all I care, i just don't want to see any evidence of them. All I want to know is that you'll be at our designated place at our designated time and you won't have lipstick on your collar.
Solution: Well this crisis kind of fizzled out, or more accurately is now fueling my crazy. Now I'm less concerned about you dissecting my life, now i'm just flat out obsessed with yours. But that's a whole 'nother blog entry.

Second Crisis:
Bringing your friend to our second date
Okay fiiiine it was bar trivia, okay fiiiiine you need more people, but come now. How awkward! Especially since I have no reciprocal friends on my end to bring! All my good girlfriends are living out of state or hate nerdy things like bar trivia. The rest of my besties are guys, and that's really awkward to bring a dude to a date. But yeah, so my second date consisted of three people. Awesome.

Third crisis
You not making moves
This is actually not a crisis at all. When I became newly single, I had all these grand plans of being somewhat promiscuous, and not getting attached to anyone anyway anyhow. Well it looks like those ideas are thrown out the window. At first I was against it, but then I started reading "Into the Wild" and it's been pretty eye opening. I bought that book because I thought it would inspire me to run off, just say "fuck it" and hop a freight train to Alaska and live off the fat of the land. Who was I kidding? As I went on reading about Christopher McCandless and his fanatical ethical and threadbare l existence, I realized there's no way in hell I could ever even attempt to do something like that. I get grouchy when I get less than 8 hours of sleep or if there's any noise or light pollution. There's no way i'd last more than 4 days without all my creature comforts. This kinda bummed me out for a little while, but then I realized extreme adventure wanderlust is not my Rushmore. My Rushmore is falling in love. I couldn't possibly ever have the life of sleeping around; I'd simply fall in love with everyone, but I'm okay with it. I'm happiest when I'm doing things for the pursuit of love. I'm happiest cooking delicious foodstuffs for a boyfriend or for buying them things when they're on my mind, or for solving problems and offering suggestions and doing anything that would make them happy. That is my Rushmore, that is my "walking into the wild". So yeah, the point of this long ramble is to say that I guess I'm perfectly fine with you not making moves. Because that's how I like it. Maybe being a genuinely nice guy is your Rushmore, and i'm more than happy to take it slow, so long as you keep telling me i'm gorgeous and think up excuses to hold my hand. But if it don't work out, then I have comfort in the knowledge and experience that I can move on pretty easily and fall in love with someone new, without much transition time.

This is a really cute song about meeting someone new, and you should listen because it's adorable.