So last night, after perusing reddit and seeing a million posts about dudes needing help dating and getting girlfriends, I decided I need to start a business where I am a practice date. I'll go out with these sad sacks and give them tips on not being so creepy and let them practice actually talking to girls. Because, let's face it, i'm the nicest girl ever, a fabulous conversationalist, and I can discuss nerdy things like Magic and Star Wars, and it's high time someone else starts financing my drinking habit. But anyway, that's another post in and of itself. So i'm perusing the "strictly platonic" section of CraigsList looking to see if there's a market for my services, when suddenly this post catches my eye:
m4w28: Since the US Open men's final was rescheduled for Monday, my original friend cannot attend, I'm looking for someone who likes tennis who would like to accompany me
Now, after hemming and hawing for a while, I decided, (while talking it through ad naseum with Meg- thanks Meg!) to suck it up and message this guy. It's the men's final for fucks sake! So after a million correspondences through e-mail, gchat, and text, we both come to the conclusion that the other one isn't a serial killer or a prostitute, and agree to meet up. Now, the forecast for today called for rain, so this morning my new Indian financial consultant bff from Boston starts stressing about whether or not he should bother taking the train down if it's just going to get rescheduled again. So around 10am he apologizes and says he's just going to try and sell the tickets, because he can't take off work tomorrow if they get rescheduled again, and he doesn't want to risk coming down for naught.
I'm a bit bummed, but it's understandable. I mean the fact that he was going to just donate one ticket to a random stranger was some above and beyond kindness. So, no big deal, i'm over it. Then at like 3:10pm he gchats me and says he was unable to sell the tickets and it's a shame for them to go unused, so here they are, I should use them. So after freaking out and jumping around for five minutes, and profusely thanking this guy, and accepting his friendship on facebook, and promising to buy him several beers or a reasonably priced meal (hope he likes tacky Russian lunch specials) if he's ever in NYC, my dad and I shag ass to the Billie Jean National (not regional) Tennis Arena. So then at 3:45 (we're 10 min away) I get a call from the kid. Basically he goes "I'm really really sorry, please don't use my tickets, I was able to sell them at the very last minute, i'm so so so sorry yadda yadda yadda"
this was how i felt
So then I get home, and this kid continues to text me apologies that get progressively creepy and just unnecessary. Things like:
"you're really beautiful, and I hope one day I get the chance to make this up to you"
"if I were there... I would have given you a stick to beat me... I promise, If I am given the opportunity, I will make this up to you"
Because that's exactly what I want to hear. Please, bother me for 12 straight hours, pull the rug out from under me (crushing my US Open dreams) and then awkwardly compliment and hit on me. Obviously that is the quickest way to a woman's heart.
So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go repeatedly run straight into a brick wall, because that will ultimately be more successful than anything else I've endeavored to do this summer.
"you're really beautiful, and I hope one day I get the chance to make this up to you"
"if I were there... I would have given you a stick to beat me... I promise, If I am given the opportunity, I will make this up to you"
Because that's exactly what I want to hear. Please, bother me for 12 straight hours, pull the rug out from under me (crushing my US Open dreams) and then awkwardly compliment and hit on me. Obviously that is the quickest way to a woman's heart.
So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go repeatedly run straight into a brick wall, because that will ultimately be more successful than anything else I've endeavored to do this summer.
No comments:
Post a Comment