modern world i'm not pleased to meet you, you just bum me out.

Thoughts on creating more of an internet presence...

Every so often I google myself to see what comes up. Sometimes i'm pleased, sometimes (like now) I'm really annoyed. I don't know how search engine optimization of a person's name works, but the other Stephie M- in Iowa clearly has a monopoly on the search engine results. Her and her damn slutty myspace pictures with her redneck looking husband and baby are really cramping my style and have reduced a once illustrious top-ten list of accolades to smut. Gone are my high school varsity tennis MVP articles, my college "Woman of Promise" award notification, my Columbia Business School directory info, and all the things that make me seem interesting and educated. So now I need to figure out a way to increase my internet presence without letting the world too much into my crazy (ie this blog.)

I feel like I gotta make a flickr or start a blog about something relevant and not solely on my inner monologues about boys and drinking too much.

But maybe it's best that I am off the map, because whatever stamp I put on the public domain is surely to be regretted later; much like my xanga and livejournal of yore. That's not to say I regret writing them- just that some things are best left personal, or only shared with a few actual friends.

Elegy for the Undead

I'm generally pretty good about letting go. Once something is definitively finished, I can pack up and move on. The only caveat is that I need to forcefully be told "Steph, it's over." The main stumbling block in my life has been holding on to things long past their expiration date, because no one has explicitly cut short my frail hopefulness. I can think of a thousand manifestations of this, but the most recent and pressing example is my ipod. This picture was taken on the day I got my faithful mp3 player:

It was my birthday my freshman year of college. Myself and three friends went to the local mall and I got the latest model- it now came in black and had a color screen! The future was now! Here's another picture of that day:



So now, it is 6 years later. Six. Years. Later. And as my intrepid little square of technology is finally giving up the ghost, i'm left wondering what else I need to close the book on. It makes me happy that I'm still really good friends with two of the people in that cluster of shot-takers. It also makes me happy that Jordan's wearing a cowboy hat, and is now living in Montana. What a prophetic photo...
What bothers me that one of the other people in this picture has abandoned me- and despite several valiant efforts of extraction- did not offer any suitable explanation. The likely cause of this rebuff is (and always will be) a new relationship. Suddenly the grass is greener on the other side, and all the silly things that used bring us together (like ripping out vodka ads from the men's magazines at parties) now are too juvenile for someone in a relationship. What really bothers me that we were so close, and I should have seen it coming, or I should been given a letter of termination and gotten my closure. But what bothers me MOST OF ALL, is that I see it coming again, with someone a thousand times more important, and there's nothing I can do about it. Frailty, thy name is new relationship.

So ipod, here's my promise to you: Although you are all scratched up, you have a dent in the bottom right corner, you no longer hold my 30g of music, your battery charge only lasts about two hours (but that's just enough time to get me to and from work), I will not let you go. I am not going to abandon you and start a new relationship with the your 120g upgrade. We've been through a lot buddy, and I have some backbone. So until you sputter out your final funerary dirge, we're in this together.

Every day from now on will be amazing

I'm gonna make it after all.

4 years of college
20 months of unemployment.
104 cover letters. Yup. I saved them all.
8 interviews with institutions of lesser repute.
3 of which being in Philly (ew).
4 months of temping
4 interviews to make it permanent
1 job secured.

T H A N K Y O U C O L U M B I A U N I V E R S I T Y!!!!!!!!!


Mary Tyler Moore and this video are how I feel about life right now. It's all amazing. Don't worry, i'll get back to being grouchy in a few days.

So, on my quest towards nirvana, I had another quintessential New York experience Saturday night. I wouldn't say it's an altogether positive one, but something I've never done in my 23 years of living in New York City.

After far too many PBR tequila shot combos,

I fell asleep on the subway and missed my stop.

Not only did I miss my stop, but I missed the next three stops! I woke up as the robot announcer informed us that we were pulling into the Briarwood station. So i had to awkwardly (and more than a bit drunkenly) stumble up the stairs and walk across to the opposite direction platform. Luckily, I had a partner in embarrassment. I momentarily bonded with a guy who did the same thing. Awesome.

So I sheepishly rewarded myself with a late night Big Mac, and that was the BEST tasting big mac of my entire life.

back with the streets I know will never take me anywhere but here.

Hello my babies!
I'm back with a vengeance.

I go through phases where I'm remiss about updating, but that's because there was nothing too notable to update about. I still have nothing notable to update about, but at least now there are things in the pipeline.

I think i've come up with my real-life self improvement New Years resolutions.
Instead of a blanket "I need to lose 15 pounds by April 1st" if.that.date.even.has.meaning.anymore.
I'm coming up with more abstract ideas to achieve over time.

The first one is to have more quintessential New York days or moments.
So often I'm feeling like I'm not making the most of living in New York City, and that I might as well be living in- well, I won't go there. There's only so much one can do about this on a grey January day when the temperature is 18 degrees Fahrenheit, but it really is an upsetting fact. So, here are my steps in achieving more quintessential New York days or moments:
1. procure employment that allows for a somewhat (perhaps a little too much) wanton spending. -CHECK!
2. procure an overpriced apartment in a trendy area and paint it vibrant colors and get a new guinea pig and name him Odin.
-HOPEFULLY SOON TO BE CHECK!
3. Start doing things outside my comfort zone and circle of friends.
-WE'RE GETTING THERE...

Yesterday was one of the most quintessential New York City days I've had in a long time and it was a bit of a wake-up call. It started out with Adam and I going to Ikea in Brooklyn, then I dropped him off and met up with Bekka, my soon-to-be-roommate for dinner and drinks, Adam and company came back too, then I drunkenly took the train over to Williamsburg to meet up with the rest of my friends. As much as I am head-over-heels about all my friends, it was really great to go out with another girl and have guys come talk to us and buy us drinks. Obviously that never happens when you roll with 4 guys...

So here's to an achievable resolution, and a new start, and making the most of the fact that I live in the greatest city in the world.

Here's a closing emo song that reflects what i'm talking about. Also, enjoy the sleeping wolf.

I hear the drizzle of the rain
Like a memory it falls
Soft and warm continuing
Tapping on my roof and walls.

And from the shelter of my mind
Through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
To England where my heart lies.

My mind's distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day.

And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.

And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I.

------------------------

Sometimes Simon and Garfunkel make more sense than I ever could.
Happy Christmas.
See you in the spring...maybe.

Work is there when love is gone,
Smell of coffee, break of dawn.

Hey blog, remember me? Sorry i'm a terrible contributor. I've been carrying on an elicit affair with my e-mail account, but i'm trying to avoid that right now because there's an email that I need to send that I really don't want to. Too much has happened since last we spoke, I can't possibly summarize it all, but I promise i'll try to be more diligent. That picture was taken at Columbia University, over Morningside Park at 7:25am.