The warmth of your love is like the warmth of the sun

Things I did today that I am proud of:

1. Had to go to Toys R' Us to get my cousin a birthday present at that god awful mall on Metropolitan Ave. (seriously that place is 100% the armpit of Queens, especially now that Discovery Zone is closed down) and I didn't get a Nathan's hot dog, even though I was starving. 380 calories not added to my thighs, like a boss.

2. Purchased and started using Crest White Strips. Shiney white teefs are only 13 days away!

3. It's been 12 days since my flirty texter and atractive lovah' left for Africa and I haven't stalked his facebook NOT ONCE. Crazy effectively suppressed... for now. Of course i've replaced that urge with compulsively checking the ex boyfriend's facebook, but that's mainly so I can scoff at his feeble attempts at being hipster. If it weren't for me, you'd be living in an apartment complex in nowheresville Delaware, probably next to the Cheeseburger in Paradise.

Things I did today that I am slightly more embarrassed about, but not really, because that's me:

1. Put much more thought into my fabulous Halloween wedding. I have five years until Halloween falls on a Saturday, so I have five years to procure a willing and able husband and a backyard for the party of the fucking century to go down. Well today, I decided on my wedding song, wedding dress, and bridesmaid dresses.

Wedding dress:
Tea length is a definite, given my legs are my fav feature and because my wedding will take place in a backyard, so a long dress is just gonna get dirty. So here's a potential candidate, i'll definitely be wearing a tiny veil that goes to about my chin. Except it will be black and will have a tasteful spider adornment (It is Halloweeeeeen)

Bridesmaids Dresses:
Probably will be black or burgundy, or a mix of the two, because like I said, it will be Halloween and thus a darker fall color scheme is required. So ladies, if you're reading this and think we're friends enough that you'll be in the bridal party, start toning those back muscles. You have 5 years. You too will have a spider adornment somewhere. Don't like it? Suck it.

Wedding song:
This Will Be Our Year, The Zombies.
And/Or Monster Mash.

I'm posting this on here because there are too many good looking guys I'm friends with on Facebook, and I don't want to ruin my carefully crafted laid back, not girly girl persona by discussing celebrities there. With that being said, did you know... Will Smith has a daughter named WILLow a wife named Jada and a son named JADen? Also, Britney Spear's mom is named Lynn, and her dad Jamie and her sister Jamie-Lynn.

what the fuck is wrong with these people?


I'm going to name my children Eisley* (girl) and Sebastian (boy)
*after Mos Eisley from Star Wars (duhhhhh)

Okay more later, i just had to get that off my chest.

"It would be nice to think that since I was 14, times have changed. Relationships have become more sophisticated. Females less cruel. Skins thicker. Instincts more developed. But there seems to be an element of that afternoon in everything that's happened to me since. All my romantic stories are a scrambled version of that first one."
-Rob Gordon, High Fidelity


Truer words were never spoken. I'm 23, and I just bought a marble notebook to resume my diary that I've been keeping since the 7th grade. I just put on some old school emo music and am preparing to sit down and write down all my stories, then i'm going to get ready and shower and go hang out with my best friend. This has been an average July day for the past ten years. TEN YEARS and i'm back where I started. I went to college! I traveled the world! I was in a successful three year relationship! Where am I now? Lusting after a variation of the same person i've been pining for since I was 14. Except now instead of worrying about things like being home for curfew, I need to worry about getting pregnant or herpes. THANKS FOR NOTHING, MATURITY.

Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

Eek. Sorry blog, i've been delinquent. Forgive me? We still besties? Alright good.

Ugh i've been delinquent because I don't know what to say? I'm still unsure of how personal I want to get here... I guess as many of you know, I've met someone. If you don't know, a cursory glance at my facebook will give a pretty good indication of who he is, since he's all over it. Well anyway, this is my first foray into the grown-up post-college world of dating. So of course I'm freaking out about every little thing (as you all know and have had to deal with-love yous!), because I have no idea what's considered normal and how to deal.

First crisis:
Facebook friending prior to first date
Who does this? I mean really, who does this? Why would anyone want to put themselves through such scrutiny. Would you like a background check and blood test? As if a first date isn't nerve wracking enough, here why don't you look at 5 years worth of photos where I'm wasted and attached at the hip to the ex-boyfriend I thought i'd marry. I'll have a looksee at your ex's and compare whether or not i'm prettier or skinnier than them. Also, I don't want to see all these girls writing on your wall. You can carry out a million different love affairs for all I care, i just don't want to see any evidence of them. All I want to know is that you'll be at our designated place at our designated time and you won't have lipstick on your collar.
Solution: Well this crisis kind of fizzled out, or more accurately is now fueling my crazy. Now I'm less concerned about you dissecting my life, now i'm just flat out obsessed with yours. But that's a whole 'nother blog entry.

Second Crisis:
Bringing your friend to our second date
Okay fiiiine it was bar trivia, okay fiiiiine you need more people, but come now. How awkward! Especially since I have no reciprocal friends on my end to bring! All my good girlfriends are living out of state or hate nerdy things like bar trivia. The rest of my besties are guys, and that's really awkward to bring a dude to a date. But yeah, so my second date consisted of three people. Awesome.

Third crisis
You not making moves
This is actually not a crisis at all. When I became newly single, I had all these grand plans of being somewhat promiscuous, and not getting attached to anyone anyway anyhow. Well it looks like those ideas are thrown out the window. At first I was against it, but then I started reading "Into the Wild" and it's been pretty eye opening. I bought that book because I thought it would inspire me to run off, just say "fuck it" and hop a freight train to Alaska and live off the fat of the land. Who was I kidding? As I went on reading about Christopher McCandless and his fanatical ethical and threadbare l existence, I realized there's no way in hell I could ever even attempt to do something like that. I get grouchy when I get less than 8 hours of sleep or if there's any noise or light pollution. There's no way i'd last more than 4 days without all my creature comforts. This kinda bummed me out for a little while, but then I realized extreme adventure wanderlust is not my Rushmore. My Rushmore is falling in love. I couldn't possibly ever have the life of sleeping around; I'd simply fall in love with everyone, but I'm okay with it. I'm happiest when I'm doing things for the pursuit of love. I'm happiest cooking delicious foodstuffs for a boyfriend or for buying them things when they're on my mind, or for solving problems and offering suggestions and doing anything that would make them happy. That is my Rushmore, that is my "walking into the wild". So yeah, the point of this long ramble is to say that I guess I'm perfectly fine with you not making moves. Because that's how I like it. Maybe being a genuinely nice guy is your Rushmore, and i'm more than happy to take it slow, so long as you keep telling me i'm gorgeous and think up excuses to hold my hand. But if it don't work out, then I have comfort in the knowledge and experience that I can move on pretty easily and fall in love with someone new, without much transition time.

This is a really cute song about meeting someone new, and you should listen because it's adorable.

And at your funeral, I will sing the requiem

Well blog, this is it. You are the last refuge for all my musings, be them positive or otherwise. All other forms of Stephie-expression have been infiltrated. First came my dignity in making an okcupid account, then came my facebook (which caused the anxiety of anxiety attacks,) then came my phone number (meh), and finally, holding down the fort so gallantly, my aim address; in all it's embarrassing glory. Now i'm an open book, everything I say can and will be used against me in forming an opinion.

Goodbye, angry facebook statuses about Glee (i want to downplay how much tv i watch)
Goodbye, emo facebook statuses about being lonely or sad (i don't want to seem crazy)
Goodbye song lyric aim statuses that reflect how I'm currently feeling, be they bitter or more bitter (don't want to seem too bitter)
Goodbye being on aim and facebook all day (I don't want to seem pathetic)
Goodbye free speech.
It's just you and me blog.

Until I forget about all this and revert back to my old ways or things get comfortable enough that I can let my crazy start to shine through.

But all this is really just an overdramatic way for me to be super excited that I'm talking to a boy!!

take. that.

every new beginning comes from every new beginning's end

Hmmm, this is the happiest i've been in a long time. Also, I hit the coveted 10 pound mark of weight lost since you made the biggest mistake of your life. I'm also excited for other potential reasons, which i'm saving to talk about until a later date.

In other news:

Isn't that such a great picture? It's David Bowie, Iggy Pop and Lou Reed, just hanging out together in a hotel room. It looks like they're genuine friends and this wasn't a staged photo op. Makes me think a lot of this picture:

I really have the best friends in the world. Not just you two, I mean everyone. I love you all. I'm just really happy to have friends who care about my continued mental heath or who go out of their way to come visit for my birthday! I'm just not going to post a million nostalgic pictures right now. Plus I kind of like this whole coming across famous pictures and finding similar ones of my loved ones. Check back faithful readers, you may find yourself compared to these guys (The Rolling Stones, for the ignorant).

keep churnin out those hits, till it's all the same old shit

Remember when Bravo was considered an artsy network. Remember when they'd show ballets and things like that? Did you know Bravo is now the most recognized brand among gay consumers? So says wikipedia (see good readers, i do research for my posts!)

Anyway, Bravo I've always loved your shows. I love Top Chef, I love(d) Project Runway, I even love all the Real Housewives, but now I think you're going a little too far. Real Housewives of New York and New Jersey on at the same time during the same week? Too much, Bravo too much.. You gotta stagger the crazy Bravo. Also now Bethenny's new show is starting, so that's three days of Housewife crazy in one week. Way to beat a dead horse.

But that's not my real beef with you Bravo. What the fuck is this new art competition show? How the hell can you justifiably judge art? What are the challenges going to be?? "Everyone sketch this nude model" "everyone paint this fruit bowl" "everyone take this slab of marble and chisel me Jesus". How are you going to judge this?? What's the criteria?? I'm sure at least one challenge will be to go out to a NY neighborhood and take pictures on your sony cybershot camera and go back and use the HP photolab printer to print them out and be inspiiiiired.

Side note, YESSSS I KNOWWWW there have been tons of art competitions throughout history, the most famous of which (the Gates of Paradise doors of the Florence Baptistry) gave birth to the Renaissance. but that was back when all people did was do realistic looks impressions of religious images. Even though I'm a pretty big critic of modern art, I do appreciate the multitude of different ways someone can interpret something, and none of those interpretations can or should be judged but some yahoos on Bravo. Plus whoever wins will probably just become the most obnoxious artist on the planet, and think they are jesus (DAMIEN HIRST). But they'll never ever ever be taken seriously for as long as they live. But someone will probably give them a mural in Chelsea and tourists will take pictures and then they'll fade away. Hopefully.
I jus hope there's one really oddball "artist" who only paints this:


OM NOM NOM NOM NOM